Fuck You, Sony

Hey, Sony, this is an open letter to you or any of your dark minions that may be traversing the realm of the internets to 'gauge public opinion' (Yes, third year mass media, bitches) about your company.

Fuck you.

Case in point: Every Sony earphone pair we, or any of our immediate peers or relatives, purchase always manages to magically ruin itself in a month's time. And it's always in the same way: first one goes off, and you have to keep fiddling with the base of the wire to get it to work until, ultimately, they both go off.

Exhibit B: Whenever you motherfuckers release a new, 'next generation' console, our present, 'old school' console will magically stop working. This has led to Luli theorizing that Sony releases some kind of 'airborne virus' that immediately destroys the older consoles so that people will be forced to buy the newer ones. Of course, Luli is not your average Al Ein, so I wouldn't go by his word.

It obviously has something to do with some sort of magic.

Either way, Sony seems to have launched a personal war against us. I know this seems unlikely considering we are nothing but an insignificant speck in the cosmic fugue, one in a fold of millions, blah blah blah... But the evidence is just too substantial to disregard.

Also, these are the fucking internets; there's gotta be someone else out there who has the same problem. Let's get organized, bitches.